The pandemic is groceries. Selling out of toilet paper. Wiping down cereal boxes and washing produce. Ordering online. Walking store aisles and seeing society’s response to masking in real time.
My quarantine started at a grocery store, buying black beans and pasta sauce for what I thought would be a long weekend. Now, grocery stores give me panic attacks and fuck with my diabetes. I forget which came first, but neither happened before March 2020. These days, my blood sugar dips in over half my trips.
Last year, during the period I was listening to every Low album to prep for having them on my podcast, I had to take a shit at a Mariano’s, the semi-bougie Chicago chain with the wine bar and piano player at happy hour. In this particular store’s bathroom, the only toilet looked like a port-a-potty because of how people had continued to deposit waste onto a heavy TP clog. So I hovered above the rim and pushed, sweating in the heat and under the weight of a backpack I didn’t want to set on the floor, shaking as my blood sugar dropped, and finally wiping to a spare, haunting dirge called “Majesty/Magic” on an album appropriately titled C’mon.
Mariano’s is the worst grocery store.
So I was surprised to feel refreshed there yesterday when I ran into an old acquaintance from my improv days.
After dancing around to see if the other one wanted to be left alone, we committed to a conversation when he said, “So here we are. It’s been… how many years? And we’re here.” It was the first time I’ve had the conversation I feel like we should all be having constantly.
I asked him to give me the 30-second summary of his life, and he said, “Honestly? I’m feeling lost.” My heart soared in recognition. The contents of our five-minute chat—jobs, performing, directionlessness, aging, meaning—were less important than the relief of finding a little island of commiseration in that hostile, fluorescent environment.
Got a response to something here? Want to work with me? Reply or comment, and I’ll hit you back.
THIS IS MY PODCAST, THIS IS YOUR AFTERLIFE
Spent this week without a guest (but with unofficial TIYA sidekick Claire Favret) thinking through what we share on social media. Honestly, I’m not sure how successful this episode was! As in, if it’s clear/interesting/adds anything to the conversation. Giving a pretty soft sell here, but as always, I’m available for your thoughts/feedback!
Content warning: mansplaining, moms, abortion, social media philosophizing, seeking comfort and connection, unrealistic expectations, boundaries.
MOOD BOARD
Holy shit, we’re over halfway to our goal for Chicago Abortion Fund’s Fund-A-Thon after one week. Keep going! How quick can we get there? Btw, this is not gonna be one of those things where I keep raising the goal. When we hit $1600, we celebrate.
MAY I PLAY YOU A SOUND?
I know I’ve leaned experimental the past few months, but I’m not immune to a big cultural moment like the new Kendrick Lamar album. And what better way to cap a newsletter about the grocery store than a song named after a mask?
Love that tip-toeing drum programming. This song feels like a moving walkway.
Honestly?
DM