Can you let go of the genius you think you are?
Here’s a journal prompt I made for myself last weekend.
What do I want to let go?
Why am I unwilling to let go?
What would life look like without it?
So you start with the attitudes, behavior patterns, Twitter accounts, people you compare yourself to, and publications in which you imagine yourself featured instead of the people you compare yourself to.
But what fucked me up was Part 2. Because at the root of a lot of my self-imposed obstacles is this belief in myself as Someone With Potential, to the point of thinking I can accomplish more than anyone in the course of 1 human life, which leads to all the comparison because, if you think you can do everything, you’ll find infinite examples of people doing things you believe you should accomplish even if they’re nowhere near your actual interests or strengths. There was a time I compared myself to Donald Glover—aka future EGOT Childish Gambino—because we both started as improvisers.
Problem is, when you make this potential so core to your identity, it gets in the way of actually making shit, or even learning the shit you really wanna make in the first place. Maybe, as cool as it would be, you actually don’t even want to record a Grammy-winning song. I mean, not me. I, a comedian with a piano collecting dust in his apartment, do, but maybe you don’t.
There’s a quote from Walden I just learned is actually from Ecclesiastes:
A living dog is better than a dead lion.
I’ve tried to live by it, but dead lions die hard. If you’re a dog, you gotta be one of the pack. So I’m trying not to think of myself as so special, and not with the mindset of secretly becoming special if I don’t think about it. Actually just being another comedian, another podcaster, another person, a worker among workers, a suburb-raised white guy deprogramming himself from the genius he was taught to believe he is.
Got a response to something here? Want to work with me? Reply or comment, and I’ll hit you back.
THIS IS MY PODCAST, THIS IS YOUR AFTERLIFE
Something different this week: a 3-pack of aftershows! Claire Favret & Meaghan Strickland join me to unpack the Bianca Diaz, Chris Gethard, and Shalewa Sharpe episodes of This Is Your Afterlife. Tbh, I enjoy relistening to these more than I do the regular episodes because they go to unexpected places I forget we recorded.
Content warning: believing in ghosts to placate them, day jobs and making a living from your art, rehearsing a TV audition that I BOOKED, Fran Lebowitz is overrated, new game: 2 Wigs, Ring Light or Hat.
Also, THERE’S A HOTLINE NOW! If you have answers to the usual questions or any thoughts whatsoever, call (313) MIST-URA, leave a message, and I’ll play it on the show.
MAY I PLAY YOU A SOUND?
Lead singer responded to my email and is down! Meanwhile, I can’t get this song out of my head. File under: loud/pretty.
Ha ha ha ha,
DM