Twitter Death Rattle Opinion Power Rankings
Lmao at this headline: “Silent Discos Are Not Silent Enough, Residents of Edinburgh Complain”
Twitter is dying maybe you’ve heard about it?
I’m not the guy to do deep analysis of a fucking business acquisition or its worldwide implications for journalism, organizing, human rights, or all the other industries. But as someone with undeservedly strong opinions and as a comedian (i.e. I can always hide behind “why would you take anything I say seriously??!”), I feel comfortable rounding up a few of the general reactions to the implosion and ranking them by Objective Correctness.
I present…
The Twitter Death Rattle Opinion Power Rankings
“It’s Complex and Multi-Faceted”: Nuance usually wins the day, but it is boring. Still, in terms of Objective Correctness, I think it’s fair to privilege the idea that Twitter dying could be both good and bad.
“This Place Has Been Important in Ways the More Privileged Among Us Might Not Realize”: It is wild to contemplate the influence of the, what, regularly 3rd or 5th most popular social media platform? This thread frames and explores this opinion more thoroughly than I can:
“Thanks for All the Memories”: Twitter has given folks dream jobs, communities (I’m certainly glad to have met a bunch of other angry type 1 diabetics), and pleasant distractions from the worst of life. It’s sweet (if cloying past a certain point) to see people expressing gratitude for the place they’ve spent so much of their time. Reminds of when comics take a break from shitting on standup to talk about their actual craft or a special they really liked.
“Good Riddance to This Hellsite”: People who tweet in the lefty circles adjacent to mine have effectively emptied the word “ableism” of its meaning, and that’s in addition to all the right-wing radicalizing masquerading as free speech I’m sure is happening in corners less visible to me. But this opinion reminds of when comics spend 95% of their time shitting on standup when they spend 100% of their free time at shitty open mics. Like, you know you don’t have to do this, right?
My Thirsty, Scarcity-Mindset, Panicked-Ass Fears: I’ve had a week where my desire to reach my comedy goals—namely, a modest fan base that supports me financially and allows me full creative freedom—has seemed tantalizingly close and infinitely far away. Thoughts like, “If I just post the right ‘goodbye’ tweet, I can get, say, 20,000 newsletter subscribers and be set,” running through my mind. It’s a horrible place for me to live, all external motivations and resentments snowballing into jealousy, comparison, and feelings of being The Literal Most Underrated Person in the History of the World. If I got 3 wishes, probably my second or third would be to remove this as a default destination for my brain (I don’t have a definite #1, 2 or 3 just seems like the appropriate priority here).
What Comes Next????! – A How-To Guide to Joining Mastodon: If you don’t know, Mastodon is the Splenda to Twitter’s high fructose corn syrup, where people are confusedly migrating (or not). I made a just-in-case account, but it’s clearly such a watered down imitation of the original that I’ve stop deluding myself into thinking it’s the New Thing. This opinion is a bunch of people thinking they can lock down the future before the past completely slips away, but guess what? That’s called the present, and it’s usually uncomfortable.
LET’S DO COMMUNITY
I’ve been wringing my brain for ways to make Definitive Answers feel more like a legit community, to the extent we all want (forced participation is for silent discos). Your individual replies have buoyed me and are always welcome, but for those who would like to huddle in a slightly more public place, I realized there’s a whole comment section we haven’t been utilizing! Feel free to dive in with any thoughts. I’ll join you. Tangents welcome!
THIS IS MY PODCAST, THIS IS YOUR AFTERLIFE
We need good comedy criticism, and Madeline Lane-McKinley's new book, Comedy Against Work, assesses comedy not just as an art form but as a way of envisioning utopia. She examines our relationship to work and the kinds of futures we imagine through the lens of comedy on stage and TV.
In this episode, she shares herself as well as her ideas. She also tells me what to do for my next show.
Content warning: suicide, childbirth, constipation, the opposite of constipation, childhood abuse, misogyny, Blob.r
Listen:
READ, WATCH, DO
Take 5-10 minutes to read the best eulogy I’ve ever read, period, about Mimi Parker of Low, by Zak Sally, one of the band’s bass players. I especially want to share since I dumped so hard on Pitchfork’s eulogy last week.
I’ve shared the delightful podcast Off Menu—(mostly British) entertainers choosing their favorite appetizers, main courses, side dishes, drinks, and desserts to form an ideal meal—here before, but this episode with previously-unknown-to-me comic Babatunde Aleshe was charming enough to be a highlight of my week. Listen if you wanna hear a dude get so psyched about his dream meal that he exclaims, “Don’t piss me OFF, bruv!” multiple times.
Mo is so good! I’ve had precisely one opportunity to “pitch a show based on my life” (read: send a never-answered email) to a TV exec, and I pushed against the advice to make my fictional self a comedian. Perhaps that explains the lack of answer to my email, but shows like Mo, This Fool, and, of course, Insecure (even though I know Issa Rae’s not a standup) have made me more confident than ever that we’ve temporarily exhausted our collective interest in “comedian” as a career and things like “event planner,” “case manager in a program providing career training to formerly incarcerated folks,” and “olive picker/fake-Rolex-and-Yeezy hustler” are way more fertile soil for TV stories.
Quite simply, the Neo-Futurists are my favorite entertainment in the world of any kind. That includes Survivor, Selling Sunset, and, uh, books. In their flagship show, The Infinite Wrench, they perform 30 plays in 60 minutes 3 times a weekend. They write the plays, which adhere to guidelines like: they never play characters, they never pretend we’re not all in a theater together, and “transformation.” It’s the first thing I recommend to anyone who visits Chicago. They also require boosters and masks at every show, which is just one of the reasons they feel like home. They’re raising $40K in 60 days to keep their operations flourishing. I donated $10. If you can match or double me or donate anything, let me know, and I’ll report our total next week.
MAY I PLAY YOU A SOUND?
Been sitting on Amber Mark’s “What It Is” for a few weeks now, and it’s appropriate I share it the week I talk about Twitter, since that’s where I discovered it. That chorus has the swoon-y rises and drops I love in my R&B (and all music).
Her whole album, Three Dimensions Deep, is good. I hate a Spotify link, but I’ll drop it if it gets you to peep.
Fuck silent discos,
DM